Infantile as it might sound, I firmly yet mistakenly believed yoga would turn me into a living Buddha or Jesus Christ.
Well, what I definitely dare say is that Yoga made me aware of defilements and detours my heart and mind might make.
Yoga happens when one voluntarily imposes discipline upon themselves with the intention that it will liberate them from suffering.
The heart requires some yoga training too, it's not only about putting the body into asanas.
Apparently it is possible to train the mind to be compassionate, mindful and loving.
Depending on what enlightened qualities one seeks, there are numerous practices to follow
Want a long life? - take White Tara
Compassion - Metta meditation
Health - Hathayoga and shatkarma
Not to mention there's a mantra from such a long spectrum of wishes from a physical healing to sacred love making.
Whenever one takes up any spiritual practice, be it yoga, religion, meditation, art, sexuality, or even a hobby, it will encourage our demons to come to the surface.
So rest assured that after the initial betterment of almost everything in your life, every so often you'll have to confront and explore your deepest wounds, shadows, shame, unforgiven things, unsaid stories still running rampart.
It always hurts when we collect shattered glass, it's like spiraling back into depression we wanted to overcome so badly.
And I'm no exception to that
After ten or more years of dedicated practice I still have periods of self-loathing
feel I don't deserve,
get frustrated about the future
fear rejection or that I won't be able to live the life I aspire to live.
Crow's feet remind me that I'm not going to be eternally young and pretty,
The truth is I'll age, no man will stare at me anymore, and that I'll die just like everyone else.
I really want to be a genuine yoga teacher, not a sanctimonious phony who's pretending they made no mistake in life, always knew how to act properly, was never dumped and is "all-so-spiritual" they should almost get their own ashram
Yoga of the heart means I consciously choose this more positive side of myself
My heart is trusting and even it the pitch dark I know that I can't have done anything in a different, better way
I honestly admit my flaws and probably I'm a difficult person to be with
Yoga of the heart means that if I judge somebody for something I'm immediately become aware of it and mentally apologize
that I have courage to admit that I lied
Yoga of the heart means I agree to my past
My life story being far from this perfect exemplary autobiography one may live in some smart book...
And yet with this clear state of mind that I have right now I have to say I embrace all my cracks
And I feel there's just so much perfection in this imperfection